Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
