I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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