i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
