and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
