One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We left the knife in your bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
