I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
is it fun? or sober?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
