I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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