if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
