I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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