If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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