He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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