Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
