the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
