I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
