I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
