I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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