I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
