Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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