Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
