You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
