I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
