When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
