your room smells of hookers.
And success
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
