so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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