update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
