You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
