We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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