I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
