but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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