someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
