i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
