dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
