I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
