I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My dick has a subreddit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
