One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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