Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
