so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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