I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i out mim tonsoeep
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