Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
