When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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