i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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