i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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