never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the day after is always just damage control
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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