and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
