Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My Sexting was not on an AP level
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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