I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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