So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
