I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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