i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
