This is not my ceiling
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
