my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
