Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
