Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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