her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
