First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
