i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
