Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
